Thursday, January 12
I got on the subject of relationships with my friend yesterday, and the conversation brought out several of the ideas I held in my head. However, it was in such a haphazard and messy condition that my argument must have seemed to be confusing at best (or gibberish ramblings at worst). When something like that happens, it means I need to re-examine my thoughts. Perhaps a clearer and more meaningful thought process might be achieved.
This must be one of the most complex matter yet. It should have a
Handle With Care sticker pasted on.
How do you know if someone is the right one for you?
Do we choose our parents? Are they the right ones? Actually, there is no right or wrong parents. They just are. Your parents are your parents whether you like it or not. The choice is not yours to make. You cannot say that your parents are not the right ones for you, that the neighbours next door are the ones meant for you. The fact remains that your parents gave you life. You just cannot ask if they are right or not. It is irrelevant.
It gets a much more delicate when we delve into the realm of relationships and partners. These we get to choose. We have a choice to choose our own circle of friends, who we like or dislike, who we love and who we hate. How do we know if a person is right? We tend to use the traits and habits of the person as a gauge of how "right" the person is for you. Simply put, whether the person is good enough for you. What if being "right" does not have anything to do with all that? How many times have people said that they were looking for this, this and this in a partner, yet ended up with that, that and that? What if, just like how you do not choose your parents, you also do not choose your partner? She just is. No explanation needed.
Sometimes a person feels right. You get together, but after awhile you realise that the person is just not cut out. The feeling is not right anymore. How can we trust our own intuition, if our feelings can be wrong? Maybe we should amend the statement and say: She just is, for now.
I think we got ahead of ourselves. We are sinking into a pool of quicksand because of how vague this whole "right" business is. What does it mean to be the right one? (Or as some romantics might want to put it, simply, the
One.) Off the top of my head, I would say that the One means
someone you are able to connect to at a deep level and can envision spending your life with. There I go again with vague words. Being connected to someone at a deep level is living your life a hundredfold times richer. (Okay, that is as far as I am willing to go with explanations.)
So let us imagine a situation where the person feels right now. You two understand each other so thoroughly that it most certainly is impossible for someone else ever doing a better job at empathizing. But somehow, the impossible happens, and you separate. How did that manage to happen? When did the cracks appear, or was the fairytale relationship built on loose soil, or were the critical flaws in the structure glossed over with pretty wallpaper? What you do know though, is that while the connection may be frail or severed now, it was true and pure before. What was shared was sincere.
Now you cannot imagine a life together with that person.
Because now you see, the differences are just too great, the chasm in characters too wide.
What if that person still feels right, though?
No, that cannot be correct.
How can the person you do not want to live with, feel right?
I think, what is really happening is that you feel that you will never find another person who can love you so completely ever again.
Or maybe that you will never again be able to love another person with your entire soul.
Is it possible for more than one person to feel right to you? It is, right? That is how people move on. (Of course, we are assuming that people really do move on.) What about feeling that two or more people feel right to you, but at the same time?
I hate this topic.
So many inconsistencies. So many variables to consider.
What I do not understand is how you can love someone, then stop loving the person. Is that even possible?
Then I do not know whether it is possible to love more than one person. Society norms on how you should only have one spouse. But then, society norms are just guides, not divine law carved in stone. Is it?
God, I hate this topic.
It is official. My argument is not so much an argument than gibberish ramblings.
Older Post | Newer Post
Thursday, January 12
I got on the subject of relationships with my friend yesterday, and the conversation brought out several of the ideas I held in my head. However, it was in such a haphazard and messy condition that my argument must have seemed to be confusing at best (or gibberish ramblings at worst). When something like that happens, it means I need to re-examine my thoughts. Perhaps a clearer and more meaningful thought process might be achieved.
This must be one of the most complex matter yet. It should have a
Handle With Care sticker pasted on.
How do you know if someone is the right one for you?
Do we choose our parents? Are they the right ones? Actually, there is no right or wrong parents. They just are. Your parents are your parents whether you like it or not. The choice is not yours to make. You cannot say that your parents are not the right ones for you, that the neighbours next door are the ones meant for you. The fact remains that your parents gave you life. You just cannot ask if they are right or not. It is irrelevant.
It gets a much more delicate when we delve into the realm of relationships and partners. These we get to choose. We have a choice to choose our own circle of friends, who we like or dislike, who we love and who we hate. How do we know if a person is right? We tend to use the traits and habits of the person as a gauge of how "right" the person is for you. Simply put, whether the person is good enough for you. What if being "right" does not have anything to do with all that? How many times have people said that they were looking for this, this and this in a partner, yet ended up with that, that and that? What if, just like how you do not choose your parents, you also do not choose your partner? She just is. No explanation needed.
Sometimes a person feels right. You get together, but after awhile you realise that the person is just not cut out. The feeling is not right anymore. How can we trust our own intuition, if our feelings can be wrong? Maybe we should amend the statement and say: She just is, for now.
I think we got ahead of ourselves. We are sinking into a pool of quicksand because of how vague this whole "right" business is. What does it mean to be the right one? (Or as some romantics might want to put it, simply, the
One.) Off the top of my head, I would say that the One means
someone you are able to connect to at a deep level and can envision spending your life with. There I go again with vague words. Being connected to someone at a deep level is living your life a hundredfold times richer. (Okay, that is as far as I am willing to go with explanations.)
So let us imagine a situation where the person feels right now. You two understand each other so thoroughly that it most certainly is impossible for someone else ever doing a better job at empathizing. But somehow, the impossible happens, and you separate. How did that manage to happen? When did the cracks appear, or was the fairytale relationship built on loose soil, or were the critical flaws in the structure glossed over with pretty wallpaper? What you do know though, is that while the connection may be frail or severed now, it was true and pure before. What was shared was sincere.
Now you cannot imagine a life together with that person.
Because now you see, the differences are just too great, the chasm in characters too wide.
What if that person still feels right, though?
No, that cannot be correct.
How can the person you do not want to live with, feel right?
I think, what is really happening is that you feel that you will never find another person who can love you so completely ever again.
Or maybe that you will never again be able to love another person with your entire soul.
Is it possible for more than one person to feel right to you? It is, right? That is how people move on. (Of course, we are assuming that people really do move on.) What about feeling that two or more people feel right to you, but at the same time?
I hate this topic.
So many inconsistencies. So many variables to consider.
What I do not understand is how you can love someone, then stop loving the person. Is that even possible?
Then I do not know whether it is possible to love more than one person. Society norms on how you should only have one spouse. But then, society norms are just guides, not divine law carved in stone. Is it?
God, I hate this topic.
It is official. My argument is not so much an argument than gibberish ramblings.
Older Post | Newer Post